K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The feeling are messing with the penis
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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