guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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