Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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