Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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