Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
