I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
