my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
