Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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