she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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