im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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