come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
