hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
