the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
