Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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