I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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