Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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