im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
