ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
