...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
