What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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