I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
