he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
