okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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