We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
