you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
