dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
