nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
