Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
