Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize