there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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