reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
