if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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