Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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