btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
