Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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