I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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