Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize