Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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