Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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