I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
