You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
