Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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