i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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