You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
