yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
