apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
