Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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