Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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