yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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