Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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