I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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