I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
