hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I did not marry a roomba.
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