your thong is hanging out like whoa
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
