I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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