I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
