ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
