im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
