someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
