Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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