some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize