I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize