you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
