you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
