u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
