im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
