Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Randomize
