One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
