He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
