last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Text me some of your sweat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
