ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I believe in your delicious
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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