I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
