he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
