I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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