i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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