You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize