hotel room ftw
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
