Who did Billy Mays play for?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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