he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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